Hello TCFL! We are a little bit ahead of schedule with the #CONTENT because I've actually found some time early in the week... AND I don't want to get caught without posting. In case you didn't know, Mrs. Commish is about to pop with our 2nd kiddo. We could very well be watching Episode 6 from our hospital room. So before I turn into a sleepless zombie and the Recaps stop making sense, let's get to it...
Let's start with my dude Malarkey. Remember last week when I thought that he was about to be somewhat relatable then ruined it? Well he got across the finish line this week. I -- like Malarkey -- love to rank stuff, douchey-ness be damned. And it sets us up with a perfect gimmick for this week. Let's break down Malarkey's breakdown:
"Me" (Malarkey)
This is obviously his most ridiculous ranking spot, but I wouldn't expect anything less from him, or any of the other Chefs. Unfortunately for him, the confidence hasn't matched the results. He's been in the bottom of the Elimination in each of the last two weeks and is a -1 for the season overall.
Grading the Ranking: Insane.
Kevin
Kevin is one of three Chefs that Malarkey name checked (along with Voltaggio and Melissa) as contenders. He's not wrong. Since we started scoring in Episode 2, Kevin has tallied at least five points per week (meaning he's either won an Elimination, Quickfire, or been in the top group in the Elimination Challenge). He's leading scoring at 25 points overall.
Grading the Ranking: Totally correct. No arguments here.
Voltaggio
I think it's safe to say at this point that Voltaggio is having a weird season. He has the respect of everyone on the show: his fellow competitors, the Judges, and the guests. But it's manifested into just three points overall. He is -7 through the last two weeks and was the only Chef to be in the bottom of this week's Quickfire.
Grading the Ranking: This is a respect ranking, and I'd have done the same.
Melissa
Melissa's Elimination Challenge streak was halted at two, but it wasn't for lack of trying. She did "sell" the most of her product but that gained her immunity, not any TCFL points (I'm sure she's very upset). For those that are curious, the general rule for what constitutes being in the Top (or Bottom) of the Elimination Challenge is: whoever is in front of Judges' Table when the winner (or person going home) is announced are the people who are in the Top (or Bottom) for our scoring purposes.
Grading the Ranking: Just about right. She should be basically tied with Kevin.
Karen
Karen has been the definition of "middle of the road." She is actually 5th in scoring, but only with 6 points overall. In two of the four weeks she's scored zero points -- perfectly in the middle of those two episodes. She's cooked a lot of interesting and compelling food so far this season. Will teaming up with "best friend" Nini in Episode 6 wake her up?
Grading the Ranking: Malarkey! Almost unassailable through half the list!
Jen
Jen... How does this competition still have Lee Anne and Stephanie, but no Jen? Does this even count as a "shock" elimination? Mrs. Commish has been saying for at least a couple of weeks now that it seems like she lost her fire. What's even worse than her performance this week and this season was the clunker she put up in Last Chance Kitchen.
Grading the Ranking: Malarkey's first hiccup. Though he couldn't have predicted Jen throwing pieces of ginger into her sauce.
Gregory
Gregory is officially awake. He is 3rd overall in scoring with 20 points, scoring all of them in the last two weeks. Is he about to go on a tear like he did in Boston? Gregory won 10 competitions overall (five Quickfires and five Eliminations) in his season before falling to Mei in the Finale.
Grading the Ranking: If he goes on another Boston-ian run, he's gonna make both Malarkey look dumb for having him this low, and me look dumb for not picking him for my team.
Nini
All three of these things are true: Nini is 6th in scoring. Nini has just as many points as Voltaggio. Nini has just three points overall. At first glance it feels like Nini should be higher, but this is probably the right spot for her. What bodes well for her is that she seems comfortable, and is cooking exactly what she wants to cook.
Grading the Ranking: This is right. Nini could rattle off three straight Elimination wins or flame out and have to pack her knives this upcoming week, and neither would surprise me.
Eric
Other than putting himself first, this is Malarkey's most ridiculous ranking. Eric is 4th in scoring with 14 points overall and has scored at least five points in each of the last three weeks. It looks like he is teaming up with mentor Voltaggio for this upcoming double-elimination challenge and if that pair gets kicked off, it'll be a huge upset.
Grading the Ranking: This should be where Malarkey is.
Stephanie
Mine and 17 other teams were tricked by Stephanie's Episode 1 performance. She is currently saddling all of us with a season-worst -14 points. After being on the winning Elimination Challenge team on the pre-draft Episode 1, she's spent EVERY SINGLE WEEK at the bottom of the Elimination Challenge.
Grading the Ranking: One could argue that a -14 overall score should have you last. But at least Stephanie can finish plating her own dishes, which brings us to...
Lee Anne
Mrs. Commish has been incredulous for weeks as to why Lee Anne is still around: "Get off my TV! I didn't realize we were watching the Lee Anne sob story." Lee Anne is the second lowest scoring Chef overall, but only at -4 points. It would have been weirdly poetic if Lee Anne had to tap out of her last season because of her pregnancy/altitude sickness then get eliminated this season in a challenge involving her mom.
Grading the Ranking: Looks like Malarkey's 1st ranked Chef and last ranked Chef are teaming up in Episode 6. Good thing they were able to hug it out at the beginning of Episode 5...
Not a bad job by Malarkey! Aside from two slots, he was pretty spot-on. We can finish up with a few Random Thoughts:
- They give them Metro phones with an ugly case and an ugly Metro PopSocket. But they couldn't give them bluetooth headphones? I was waiting for a headphone cord to accidentally fall into someone's pan.
- If I was a Cheftestant, and my teammate/loved one was Mrs. Commish, we'd do perfectly fine. If my teammate/loved one was my mom, we wouldn't get anything done because she'd spend all the time on the phone telling me that the dish was too small, too salty, too burned, and not as good as what she would make.
- The best possible teammate/loved one in my life for this Quickfire is none other than fellow TCFL Founding Father, Mike R. He remembers specifics of meals he's had from over 10 years ago AND he already eats as messily as they had to on the show while deconstructing the plates.
- I love that they got the "Family/Loved One" challenge out of the way early this season and made it fun. It's usually late in the season and way too emotional.
- If you haven't seen Nancy Silverton's episode of Chef's Table, definitely check it out.
- This Elimination Challenge is something that I hope is All-Stars specific. It was a lot of fun, but I definitely wouldn't care about what a 10th place Chef's product is in a regular season.
- Mrs. Commish thoughts on various teammate/loved ones:
- "You better talk about me the way Eric talks about his wife."
- "Stephanie sucks. But her husband seems so nice."
- "I'm withholding comments on Nini's mom..."
- "Malarkey isn't gay?!"
- "Me. That's me [Melissa's family friend]. I'd just be crushing wings the entire time."
Not a lot of Scoreboard movement this week. It's still tight. Episode 6's double-elimination should shake things up. Until then...
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